That they’re printed on. I’ve never got the point of page long, or longer, reviews of music. What’s the point of reading about somebody else’s take on a particular album or track. If they like it it doesn’t mean that you will. if they hate it it doesn’t mean that you won’t like it. I’ve lost count of the number of times I read in a music album review that a certain track was the “worst” on the album, only to discover that they are referring to my favourite track. What music you like is very subjective. It doesn’t matter at all what others, like reviewers, think of it. Music reviews should consist of the following:
1) X has a new album/song out.
2) Here are the details. Title, label, etc.
3) I like it/don’t like it. But so what. YMMV.
4) Go listen yourself. Here’s where you can hear samples.
The chances of this happening are about the same as the chances of a whelk in a supernova. Most music critics seem to be full of themselves.